* Gwen Jones

God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 (Most powerful verse in the Bible)

My parents were divorced when I was very young. There was very little love showed or expressed.  I really didn’t know the meaning of love other than it was a strong emotion or affection.  I couldn’t understand how someone I didn’t even know love me so much that he was willing to give his life for me.

When I was about 12, the pastor from the church we had been visiting came by earlier one day to visit with my mother and step-father.  My step-father said he had made a profession earlier in his life but my mother had never done so.  She accepted Christ that day and asked the pastor if he would come back later to talk to me.  So this is where my story begins……he showed me all the scriptures about sin, hell and salvation and finally asked me that most urgent question “Do you want to go the hell for your sins?”  Of course I did not, so I said I believe, not fully understanding the scope of what that meant and not understanding how a God could love me so much that He would be willing to let His Son die for me. 

Over the next few years I struggled with this issue of salvation.  Although I was active in church with the youth, going to Bible studies and every service possible, there was always this nagging feeling of was I REALLY saved.  I can remember praying to God that if I wasn’t saved to please save me.  But I still had doubts and insecurities.

When I was 17 my mom and step-father separated. My mom and I moved to Dallas where most of our family was.  My brother asked us to visit his church, he said they had a very good youth group and a man of God who preached the Word.  He also mentioned that he had a single son.  I was hesitant to go, not because of the possibility of meeting someone but I still had all these questions and feelings of unworthiness.  We did visit the church and it was a very warm and welcoming body of believers.  We joined and began attending regularly. 

The pastor’s son had been out of town helping his brother move during this time so our meeting was delayed by about a month.  My brother had been talking to him about meeting hoping this would keep me involved in church.  We finally met…..and about 6 months later I became his wife.  His name was Ricky and God blessed us with 35 years together.  He and his family showed me what true love was all about.  Unconditional, devoted, not judging, always there.  I began to understand that you can be loved even with all your flaws, but my doubts were still present.

Every year the church held week long revivals.  I always dreaded going because the evangelists always seemed to preach the same message….”Repent, Be Saved, Don’t Go To Hell”.  But there was this one evangelist that came to the church the first part of August 1979, who had a different approach.  His message was “You have to BELIEVE in Jesus, not just KNOW Jesus”.  That got my attention.  As the week went on and he spoke, I listened.  He said there is a difference in having a HEAD knowledge and not a HEART knowledge.  That was it…all these years I knew who Jesus was and what He had done, but I didn’t accept that into my heart. Even those years that I had questioned and searched, it was all with my head. It was so hard to believe that there was a love that great. I went forward and confessed that I did believe with my whole heart and accepted Christ as my Savior because He loves me.  I could have said to myself “What are others going to think? I’m married to the preacher’s son. I teach Sunday School. I sing in the choir.” None of that mattered to me, I knew I needed to publicly confess that I was now one of God’s children.  I knew from that moment, I was saved and had a place in Heaven, not because of anything that I had done but because of what Jesus had done for me because of His great love.